So this will be my second review of How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days. But this time, I’m going through probably the most traumatic breakup I’ve ever been through.

And I thought it was worth writing a second review with this perspective in mind. And it’s likely that I will repeat the same opinions as my last review. I won’t know for sure since I’m writing this review without referring to the original.

But please bear with me while I go through this trying time.

Why Are We So Drawn To Enemies To Lovers?

In reality, couples break up all the time due to breakdowns in communication and incompatibility of characters. And in reality, you do have to mind yourself in a relationship. Because people can, and frequently do, leave you if you’re prone to arguments and emotional outbursts.

And I cannot be the only one who’s found she’s sometimes too much for a man to handle. I can be the most rational, fun and vivacious person to be around (as a friend) but that all gets twisted around in romantic relationships. Suddenly, I become anxious and insecure. And my bid for constant reassurance often does drive people away.

And I am currently working on that. I’m reading up on psychology and focusing on finding security within myself so that I’m not seeking validation from external sources. And that is a journey many of us have to go through before we find the right person. Because sometimes, the root issue isn’t just that the person we’re with is wrong for us. Rather, it’s that we’re not emotionally ready to be with the right person.

And the thing about stories like How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days is that it takes away from the pressure of constant self-improvement. Ben and Andie are terrible to each other. They go into the relationship with the worst intentions and despite Andie, essentially, psychologically bringing the man down, he still wants her.

Movies like this spread the message that love is enough. That if you genuinely love someone, it doesn’t matter what you do or say, it doesn’t matter if you’re incompatible. You will still make it work because love is enough.

And despite the shenanigans within the movie. Despite how much Andie torments Ben, he will never leave her because she is worth staying for. And that is something many of us don’t have in reality. In reality, you cannot act like Andie and keep a man. You have to control your emotions and insecurities. And if you mess up, eventually the other person leaves. And that is so heartbreaking.

With my breakup, I didn’t see it coming. Yes, there were issues. But communication was a one way street and, sadly, I was the only one walking on it. To me, the real fantasy is the fact that Ben kept trying and communicating. They stayed together because when everything fell apart, they were able to have a conversation and figure out their real feelings.

And sadly, that doesn’t often happen. Because most of the time, you aren’t ready to be in a healthy relationship and you wind up with people who are also not ready to be in a healthy relationship. And that’s heartbreaking. So why wouldn’t we want the fantasy of enemies to lovers? Why wouldn’t we want the fantasy that a man can see your worst traits and still want you?

No One Wants To Be The Worst Version Of Themself, Sometimes The Issue Is That We Can’t Help Ourselves

The way Andie acted is an over exaggeration. But her behaviour is representative of an anxious attachment style. She was trying to emulate the behaviour of a woman who is obsessively into a man, and because of her own insecurities, drives him away.

That is a very common problem.

In fact, I currently have seven books on the anxious-avoidant cycle. Because, sadly, anxiously attached and avoidantly attached people are drawn to each other. That push-pull game is so magnetic to people who aren’t securely attached. And most of the time, it ends in heartbreak.

Whereas in How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, not only did Andie wind up with Ben but the very friend she was writing the article for also gets the man she drove away. Because in this fantasy world, the man realises that he actually loves the woman so much that he’s willing to put up with her anxiety and insecurity. He even finds it endearing.

And no, that’s not the right message but it’s a very compelling fantasy. We love this movie because we want it to be true. We want to believe that we can be whoever we want, and the person we love, will never leave us.

Self-improvement is so hard. Because, often, the root of the insecure attachment style goes back to an unstable childhood. And re writing childhood wounds is so difficult. And we often have to experience soul crushing disappointments before we feel ready to do the necessary work.

The idea that the right man will make us more secure is a fantasy. Because if we’re anxiously attached, securely attached people feel boring to us. We chase the avoidantly attached because that’s where we feel chemistry. It is the instability, the highs and lows, the dopamine hits interspersed in between the crashes that feel addictive.

And the truth is, I was addicted. And going through my breakup feels like going through withdrawal. And as you can tell, I am much better now than I was to begin with (hello, I’m writing a review and confessing my feelings). But it was a journey.

I had to hit my lowest point before I started climbing back up. And I’m so motivated to improve myself but the journey is difficult. It means facing traumas I’d buried deep and putting a mirror up to my worst qualities.

Who wants to do that?

Final Thoughts

This movie is actually great for heartbreak. It’s funny and lighthearted. And you know there’s a happy ending. Plus, watching Andie torment Ben is very satisfying. Sometimes, the egotistical men need to be taken down a notch.

This movie is absolutely not a how to guide on getting into a relationship. Rather, it’s an over exaggeration of a real problem. And I think watching it can be very therapeautic if you are anxiously attached and have driven people away with your insecurities. It reframes the common pitfalls and makes them comedic.

And sometimes, we need to be able to laugh after a soul crushing heartbreak.